Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
