Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
