Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize