naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
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