he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
