who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
