if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
