This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
