john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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