She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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