I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
