why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
