If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
