I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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