If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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