The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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