we have officially mastered the walk of shame
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
