from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
