Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
