how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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