im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
