I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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