sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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