im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
