I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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