I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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