I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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