Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
