If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
