from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
