thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
