Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize