I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
