I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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