I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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