I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
