dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I enjoy the company of your penis
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