"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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