I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
