I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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