I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
