Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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