I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
