she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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