ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
