Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
