their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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