Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
soo... how was my night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
