thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize