she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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