oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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