Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
