mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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