he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
