id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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