I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
