so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
