That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
