Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
