His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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