Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
