I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
