I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
it's like heaven, but drunker
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
