that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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