no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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