Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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