well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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