if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
