the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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