I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you didnt know i had herpes?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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