Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
