So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
