He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
