all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
