No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
