Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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