Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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