I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And then the night went full on bisexual.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
