i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
