I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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