she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
