We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
